Tesh Tuesday

I really love John Tesh(not necessarily his music) but his "intelligence for your life"is really helpful. I thought I would pass along some John Tesh wisdom every Tuesday to all my readers.

Today's topic is ... The Secrets of Happy Couples.

Happy couples know to maximize the positive – even if it means a little teasing every now and then. Want to be one of those couples? Here’s how, courtesy of Psychology Today magazine.

• Poke fun at each other. Dacher Keltner is a professor of psychology at the University of California, Berkeley. He says that playfulness is one of the first casualties of a busy life. When your days consist of nothing but working, paying bills, cleaning and sleeping, play can disappear from your relationship. You have to keep it alive, by joking around and even using silly nicknames. You may think a serious talk is the best way to handle a serious situation, but Keltner says that couples whotease each other in the heat of a conflict actually feel more connected when things are resolved.

• Notice what’s new about your partner. Ellen Langer is a psychologist at Harvard University. She says that most of us get so familiar with our partners that we stop noticing them. Just because you’ve stopped looking doesn’t mean they’ve stopped changing. So, make it a point to detect differences, and each time you do this, look for three things about your partner that have changed since the last time you looked. Langer calls this “mindful awareness.” She points to one study which found that when non-football fans watched a game while writing down things they noticed about the players and the stadium, they became more enthusiastic about the sport.

• Put it in writing. A study from the University of Texas found that when couples wrote about their relationship for 20 minutes a day, three days a week, they were more likely to be going strong three years later. They also sent more positive instant messages. So, the next time you think fondly about your partner, write it down. Even better - share what you wrote with them.